The story of jesus bruiser starts in the mists of time, New Years Eve 2005, Bristol, Easton, A living room in a squat... a lethal combination of ingredients came together to form a vile cocktail that has been bruising innocent people ever since. The cocktail was:

It was consumed and people exclaimed "jesus!" more was consumed and the next day people felt as though they'd been crucified and a feeling of internal bruising lasting up to 3 days followed. Later they recovered as if they had risen from the dead, feeling fine.

Time passed and the legend took on a new form...

The band started rehearsing in a cellar with smelly drains and frequent wafts of cat piss punctuated with the occasional downward flush of someones shite from upstairs through the pipes. A perfect setting for the creation of a new genre of music: